Clean Jokes

One day, a man came home and was
greeted by his wife dressed
in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A woman came home,
screeching her car into the driveway, and
ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

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Marriage is a relationship
in which one person is always right, and
the other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician
showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back.
'I'm so tired of chardonay.

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A wife was making a breakfast
of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said,
'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are youCRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the! salt. USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!' The wife stared at him.

'What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied,
'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

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